On a Friday, the rabbit was born. And two days later, the cat was born. On Sunday the rabbit saw the newly born cat, and the rabbit being of older mind saw into the cat. And it was as though what age the rabbit left behind, day by day after it's birth, the rabbit revisited by watching the younger cat. Like reading a diary, the rabbit saw vitality is the cat. And as an older animal, the rabbit saw't companionship from the cat; even though the cat, being a younger animal, did not truly apply to. Still, the two little animals lived together and ate together and played together. The rabbit always looked at the cat with such wonderous eyes, as if the rabbit was looking at the night sky; and the cat always looked at the rabbit with so endearing eyes, as if the cat was staring into a deep forest. The rabbit was free, always moving and happy; the rabbit always wanted to take care of the cat, the rabbit truly loved the cat. The cat was tender, so emotional and simple; the cat always wanted to be with the rabbit, the cat truly enjoyed the rabbit. But, the rabbit and the cat, being of old and then younger, grew to different ideas about their comanionship. The rabbit wanted to be with the cat forever, and would give everything for the cat's happiness. And the cat, wanted to feel enjoyment for all it's life, and it would be wonderful if the rabbit was with the cat for all it's life.
     For sixteen years the rabbit and cat lived together, ate together and played together; after sixteen years the Friday came again where the rabbit was born. On that Friday the rabbit woke, and the cat was not there as the cat had always been. In a confusion the rabbit fell back to sleep, after two days the rabbit re-awoke and again the cat was not as the cat usually was. The rabbit felt a shy emptiness, as the cat had been it's morning, evening and night. With out it's clock the rabbit was lost. Seven days later, the rabbit saw the cat by it's self; playing and sitting completely by it's self. Now, the rabbit being an older animal, after it's life of sixteen years and nine days- died. Soon after, two days later, the cat died as well.

I wish that I could force my self to face what has happened, at least to be able to think of it as something real and what has been and is true. But what uncontrolable pain my body knows I cannot face, even with my mental force, it refuses to allow a pain apparently it knows could be just too much for me. At least my person is smart enough to shield what could damage me the most from the mind I have, that is most vulernable. Still I feel as a rat does if it was trapped with in a safe after being thrown into the center of a chemical fire. Every drop of the fire will burn until whatever chemical has ashed out, and even though I am still living with the protection of the safe; I am dieing with the blood-boiling heat. I feel alive, as I am about to die; I am dieing. I feel ruthless, because whatever I haven't done, must be done within my few minutes of life left while living in my burning casket. I don't want to be alive though, honestly; I don't think I'd care right now if I was dead or alive. Whatever keeps me alive, so be it; and if something or someone was to kill me, then so be it. I suppose that's called recklessness, but I'm too awat from everything to look up definitions. Or read, or sleep, or draw, or think in general. I suppose everything is too dangerous for my body to allow me to do, express or go into depth about. Most likly it's the trap doors. As one would be, the sky: birds: freedom: loneliness: anger: crying: him. It must all go back to him, it's what everything I was WAS. I guess I shouldn't be surprised to findout that little of who I am at the moment does not contain apart of him. And with one part, gives me such anguish and makes me want to starve. Starve out all the pain, the suffering, the one alone feelings. I am ending, at least in feeling. I don't know what to expect. I can't feel any thing, so I don't know what to say right now...

I am hidden; through the dreams and all lies, behind every forgot sin. There I live; I am the risk, I am all souls that God created and kissed to life. I will burn in Hell- for all the human acts I have done, and all the acts that I thought made me myself. Till the end of time, till the end of this morning- I am a secret. I am sin, I am livelihood and entertainment. Beauty is the ugliest thing ever, so I beheld it close to myself. Even though I will remain as a lie buried within a dream- one day. One day I will be found, by burning all of the minds and all of the souls of every beautifully ugly human. I sit still wondering: Hidden betrayal is no better than salvation.
Salvist! Say it more- say it so slow it lasts forever. Say you love me so slow and so husky it strings out for all my living life. As long as I live I know I am sure your voice is all I want lasting forever. Yours is the voice that calls all the dead, though; but as you breathe every single living word that makes the fallen ache- I cannot help but be fed life from our collapsed lips. My mind is all based upon the fallens breathless moans, and from your oh-so burning eyes and voice. I could swear; that it was your voice that kept the Sun from falling and made the bitter loneliness so bearable. Slow, I love you slowly- say it back. String it out though, so that it shows that you'll be loving me for so long and possibly forever. Breathe every succeding whisper of absolution into us; because honestly, my heart is no longer beating blood I make, but your thick and honest soul, threw my hollow veins.
   Hahahahaa!- deceive you awful thing... "Hold me and love me, remember everything I say." Failed. I know you love me, but I may smile and guide your hands away- the thing is I'm just not saying "get away, I have zero interest." Love me! Fake and passionate love; because you all know I'm worth it. My black smile proves I'm worth every letter, every conversation, every gift, every contact and every act of truth. Hahahahaha! What a fun and backstabbing game, I love the lying light. Even though I speak no truth, I still manage to speak every fact.
  Believe in fun and fact; love every animal, every plant, every person and everything! To be so lovely is living in your words and heroic actions. Extreme is to beat every pain and fault! You hate? Then shove it down a loving well!! See slowness? Speed up your heart rate and see where laziness goes.
On the way home I saw my evening star. Even though it was in day, I saw my sleeping, shining star. I noticed blue jays, robins, cardinals and butterflies. And I can truthfully say, I can barely wait for winter's day. So all the stars can play and every light and animal goes far away.