I am hidden; through the dreams and all lies, behind every forgot sin. There I live; I am the risk, I am all souls that God created and kissed to life. I will burn in Hell- for all the human acts I have done, and all the acts that I thought made me myself. Till the end of time, till the end of this morning- I am a secret. I am sin, I am livelihood and entertainment. Beauty is the ugliest thing ever, so I beheld it close to myself. Even though I will remain as a lie buried within a dream- one day. One day I will be found, by burning all of the minds and all of the souls of every beautifully ugly human. I sit still wondering: Hidden betrayal is no better than salvation.
Salvist! Say it more- say it so slow it lasts forever. Say you love me so slow and so husky it strings out for all my living life. As long as I live I know I am sure your voice is all I want lasting forever. Yours is the voice that calls all the dead, though; but as you breathe every single living word that makes the fallen ache- I cannot help but be fed life from our collapsed lips. My mind is all based upon the fallens breathless moans, and from your oh-so burning eyes and voice. I could swear; that it was your voice that kept the Sun from falling and made the bitter loneliness so bearable. Slow, I love you slowly- say it back. String it out though, so that it shows that you'll be loving me for so long and possibly forever. Breathe every succeding whisper of absolution into us; because honestly, my heart is no longer beating blood I make, but your thick and honest soul, threw my hollow veins.
   Hahahahaa!- deceive you awful thing... "Hold me and love me, remember everything I say." Failed. I know you love me, but I may smile and guide your hands away- the thing is I'm just not saying "get away, I have zero interest." Love me! Fake and passionate love; because you all know I'm worth it. My black smile proves I'm worth every letter, every conversation, every gift, every contact and every act of truth. Hahahahaha! What a fun and backstabbing game, I love the lying light. Even though I speak no truth, I still manage to speak every fact.
  Believe in fun and fact; love every animal, every plant, every person and everything! To be so lovely is living in your words and heroic actions. Extreme is to beat every pain and fault! You hate? Then shove it down a loving well!! See slowness? Speed up your heart rate and see where laziness goes.
On the way home I saw my evening star. Even though it was in day, I saw my sleeping, shining star. I noticed blue jays, robins, cardinals and butterflies. And I can truthfully say, I can barely wait for winter's day. So all the stars can play and every light and animal goes far away.

To my dearly betrothed~ Steven Morrison

2009 April 30
If emptiness did have a name what would it be, but the name I seem to chase. For from my searching came side-discoveries, that offered hope and some belief to those who do not hear the call with their human ears, and see no blackened light with human eyes as well. As one without eyes, forced to feel around the cosmic plain, I see the obvious truth as unimportant. As I know death is not to be feared, love is life, murder is evil and people are important; I pass on those old, recited lessons and go to my no-teacher-teachings. Self educated? Hardly, what person ever could be; if one learned how to read, was it not because of something or someone else had some what encouraged? I seek the inner circle truth, what line makes the circle is all common whatever’s. But the inside of the circle, the sphere; it's like becoming. Or that's as close as I could get, something like growing but always the same even though it never seems old. I seek becoming, not growth, I suppose; but a completion. Unforchantly, people don't understand my feels of what's called "one mind"; to me it's like this feeling of being, knowing all for "you" are everything, but with this similar individuality. As in, every person is in a body but everyone thinks differently and all live without being able to not co-exist. A universal expression lived and felt, not touched and studied. I do wish, though, that I could go more into that inner circle to learn and become more and more. But I know better, I am of course still in body; and one who travels into what is not-understandable while in form is bound to be almost immideantly destroyed and unrepairable. How can you fix a vase when the whole box was crushed and the vase turned to ashes inside? Even though I enter more and more, and seem fine, I feel the toll the inner circle has taken; for with me I end up not destroyed but more along "vanished". When I try and feel that feeling of the inner circle completion I waste away some consciousness that binds me humanly to others. Careless and stupid I already know, but what I burnt away made room for other things. As I vanished and created that emptiness that was meant to become all, I created a space for more human things such as free-based-form emotions to grow. As the space rapidly tried closing it's self to shut off that empty, suddenly situations happened and became pure and blinding emotions that flooded the space until it became full. Fear, love, trust, compassion, hatred, guilt, pain, bitter, hallow and belief filled my soul and tears came easy now. I held more ropes to the Earth I was so willing to leave for what I hoped wouldn't turn out as emptiness but as inner completion. The ropes burn my future as much that emptiness becomes more of an enemy to my mind. Does this qualify as a destructive addiction? Like, to be tied to a string and thrown into space, I love all the lack of gravity but I'm dieing from lack of air. I understand all the bad, but I feel like I am getting so close to the real inner circle; maybe I'm willing to throw down my body's and mind's life for something so temptingly possible. Am I absolute, or am I not done?